Formerly Mr. & Mrs. Espionage

When travelling, its best to remember a few simple safety tips on New Year's Eve.  All the fun and enjoyment is great, but without some careful planning, you might end up in a bad state of affairs. 1. Know where your toilets are. They're usually hiding, inconspicuously, trying to blend into the crowd, occasionally dancing, and in rare cases, getting horribly intoxicated and flipping over.  You should probably stay at least 50-100 feet away from them at all times.  I recommend using an air horn for storing urine.  You'll find them everywhere. 2. Avoid Zombies New Year's Eve is a prime time for zombies.  They will usually hang out near the bathrooms.  Some of them may pretend to be "into the music" or "really like this guy on stage," or even be so bold as to "have no idea who that guy is hosting."  Remember to carry appropriate defense items such as crow bars, axes, and windshield washer fluid.  Zombies hate being clean. 3.

I'm very happy that there is a place and a way to examine one of the deepest historical aspects of Taiwan: the native tribes and their culture. Our friend Jack was kind enough to get all the details in order so that Cori, myself, Mattheus, Isabelle and Jack himself could all go to the Aboriginal Cultural Village.  After a long, soothing bus ride, and then a wobbly, car-sickness-inducing bus ride, we made it to the gates of the Village. Upon entering, we realized we'd accidentally gone to Versailles, so we got back on the plane and went back to Taiwan.  After getting to the ACTUAL park, we were all perplexed (as Cori is seen here smashing her hand into her head) as to why aliens had taken over the park.  There were spaceships everwhere.  The carnage was massive.  No one was safe from their armada. We ran to the nearest cave, hoping to hide out until we could formulate a plan. Regrettably, the cave was infested with dinosaurs. Who were not happy with us.  Thankfully a

Gang (港) refers to a place near water where boats go. In Lugang we saw many wonderous and amazing things... but nothing was quite as absurd as the name of one of the tea stands we passed.

"That cloud is going to eat us." The same card that gets you on the train, and on the bus, gets you a bicycle. Its hard to explain the feeling I get when standing near an intersection.  Some strange combination of awe, terror, and fascination. Chou Do Fu. Its stinky, its tofu.  Thank goodness it was covered kimchee. Drugs, as per this shirt, "Ain't Work." "We will take your corporate logos, and identities, and do with them what we please.  Thank you." Best dudes. This was an ad about constipation medication. Sir, your grandson is about to go swimming. I, contrary to T-Pain, am not on a boat. In the 18th century, this temple was built.  At the time the clock was just considered "weird," as they didn't exactly have electricity, so all it did was sit there blank with a dangling electrical cord.  Eons later, so

They put us up in the Howard International Plaza hotel.  This is the secret lai.... er... meeting area for the mad scient... er... managers.  There is a moat filled with alligators that look like tofu.   Dear Howard International Plaza.  Please move this building, it is blocking our view of the mountains, thank you, room 312.   Thank you.  Much better. Misnomer. "Hello, I would like to sell you insurance." Once a year a wizard pops out of the ground and puts this hat on.  These signs are in every elevator in Taipei.  Jed put it best: "Step 2: A stuck elevator is a great place to meet chicks. stay calm, be cool. A sleeping dog is a good way to tell if you're too boring." Further evidence that Taiwan is actually an enormous boat.  The game "Myst" is part of the national heritage.  This unlocks the portal to unlimited green tea.   When you open th