How to survive your first day in Taipei

They put us up in the Howard International Plaza hotel.  This is the secret lai.... er... meeting area for the mad scient... er... managers.  There is a moat filled with alligators that look like tofu.  














Dear Howard International Plaza.  Please move this building, it is blocking our view of the mountains, thank you, room 312.  










Thank you.  Much better.












Misnomer.












"Hello, I would like to sell you insurance."












Once a year a wizard pops out of the ground and puts this hat on. 











These signs are in every elevator in Taipei.  Jed put it best: "Step 2: A stuck elevator is a great place to meet chicks. stay calm, be cool. A sleeping dog is a good way to tell if you're too boring."














Further evidence that Taiwan is actually an enormous boat. 











The game "Myst" is part of the national heritage.  This unlocks the portal to unlimited green tea. 














 When you open the portal, hide.

Pigeons look the same, act the same, taste the same.












They have great taste in music that they've never heard.











Its always good to pack light.












Just because the sign says you should take the water does not mean its a good idea.











When in Taipei, wrestle pig-like demons while suspended by a cable on one corner of a building.  This is acceptable.










The buildings are secretly robots.  Do not taunt them.












If the establishment is named in a foreign language, the odds are they do not speak that language, or English.










Do not assume that appropriately colored and blocked-off roads are racetracks.  The police do not approve.















Does not contain cats.












The traffic control systems will try to sneak up on you while disguised as trees.  Do not believe their lies.











These simple tips should help you not leave your hotel room at all while in Taipei.  Have a great time!














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